'BUSY' Day

Yanshan's teacher called me up in the afternoon (27th December 2007) to inform me that she is having high fever. Asked me to get someone to fetch her back and bring her see doctor. I quickly called up Gary as he now driving taxi. See whether he nearby my office anot.Since I'm taking taxi,might as well let him earn than let other people earn. But too bad..he not around my office area. So I checked with him whether he can go to my girl's school to wait for me and sent me to Maxwell Road, then Hougang to my mom's place.

He agreed and we both rush to school. I to fetch the kids,He to fetch us. Really appreciate that. After fetching the kids, he sent me to legal aid there to take and pass documents. After that, he sent us to Hougang. We on on meter but he did not accept a cent from me.Really thank you..If really take cab here and there,total cab fare is $40 over.WOW~!~!~! Then at night, Zhouhui also having fever.. On Friday, my mom called me up and asked me go home straight away as his fever shoot up. I rushed back and found that he actually feeling better. Relieved but was angry with my mom as she always like that. The youngest one not feeling well but still ok. Then I went to meet my secondary buddy cum sister.We went to bowl and was quite fun.I have 7 years did not bowl le.Luckily not that cham that I got zero point.HAHAHA..

Night without him..

Yesterday was the 1st day I myself with 2 kids really at home sleeping without him (Zhoule is sick and have not recovered). Not that bad as I think. I on the movie show which Shirleen bought for them for Christmas gift to watch and I tidied up my house. 1 week did not go home, whole house don't know look like what. I sweep the floor,mop the floor,wash my clothes (which is actually cleaned but due to 1 week did not fold and keep,i rewash again)clear the rubbish on my 2 tables, wipe it and now my house is so big and clean. My 2 helpers helped me to hang clothes and keep the toys.

I maybe renting out some space to a friend that need a place to sleep in the morning/sometimes night to cover some of my rental. Even my rent now is cheap but still due to the poor health my precious are, I have to think of alternate way to get extra incomes. Today my friend will come over to see whether it ok to rent from me anot.

It is very tiring but luckily my 3 precious know or can feel that I working hard for them. Hope that everything will go smoothly for today appointment about the renting thingy. Last but not least, Thank you everyone that called/msn or emailed me to show me the concern and support. With you all around, I will be fine.

Poem that I read about

While I was surfing the net, I read about this poem:

We were in Love..
I thought you will care..
You say you love me..
Then why weren't you there?
Darkness was staring me in the face..
I was too blind to see..
There's nothing left to say..
It was all a lie..
Maybe we were never meant to be..

After reading this, I simply like this poem coz it reflect my feeling out.

May GOD bless all the couple out there, long lasting love

Photos (24/12/2007 & 25/12/2007)

Trying very hard to take this two photos as the candle lights to bright for me to take the picture from my 6120 Classic.

Ah Ping bring Kimberly and Alex to Singapore to celebrate Christmas and Yanshan's birthday.

Zhoule keep aiming the cake.Look...Haha

These four photos took when the adults were watch 881.And the songs were distracting the kids.They were so cute!!!

These 2 kids keep snatching the knife to cut the cake..always like that.haha..

These few pictures taken after the party at outside a shop.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!

She is the one who scarified her sleeping time to accompany me for a lonely Christmas Eve to Christmas Day. Thanks sis..

Christmas Eve / Yanshan's birthday

Yesterday was Yanshan birthday.My mom help her to celebrate at Hougang. Can sense that she is sad that Ah Long did not attend but I explained to her that he has came on Sunday to wish her Happy Birthday.She requested me to call him as she wanted to talk to hm badly. So i called and passed her the phone. He wished her Happy Birthday and chatted with her for a while and hang up.

She recevied alots of present and Ah Ping came over to celebrate for her together with her mon and auntie.( Later I will upload some photos).

Today I feel much better.Not that sad, angry and disappointed over the woman incident. Now I still stay at Hougang till this evening, but I don noe how will I feel when I reach home. Met up with Laykwan and Daniel.Very sweet of them to offer me to stay over their house. Laykwan told me to consider to move to other place as the house will remind me of him. Sorry to make everybody to worry about me and Most of all THANKS for the support.

After Yanshan's birthday party, I went to have a drink with Junying (we took some photos too). She also worried about me and I managed to bluetooth some songs from her HP to my HP.Hahaha....

That's all for today.Good night and MERRY CHRISTMAS...

Meeting up with Shirleen

Another day passed...Yesterday was my company Christmas party and I'm in totally no mood. Yesterday was my 4th child 1st 'death anniversary'.I am very emotional. Plus he suddenly moved out,to me,the children was cruel. Just like that moved out,never even inform us. If the kids did not called him, we will never know he moved out till next week when we back home then know. He let me alone handle the children questions which this should be him explain to them and not leaving without any notice. This is sad. Now oso no point saying le. Keeping drowning myself all the positive thoughts.

Yesterday met up with Shirleen. She really very nice and thoughtful. Even she's tired from a day of work, she still met me up. So touching. Below are some photos I took with her. We took abt 7-8 shots and sad to say most of it is quite blur, so Shirleen deleted away.

This is the photo that I likes most.What you guys think? ;-P

These 2 photos took when we both not ready or tired of smiling.Haha..

Thoughts (Part 2)

He today told the kids he has moved out from the house and the kids informed me. I trying to get use of living alone with 3 kids as so used of a man at home.Think this is a process that I have go thru. I am listening a song name, How do I live without you. While listening, I am scared that I cant get used of without him around, but since I made this decision.That no turning back my head. Tears dripping down my face. So sad that what I put in the effort for the 7 years gone to the drain. I keep telling myself no point crying now coz everything has reached a full stop. I got back the wedding bands.When i see it, I think of the ROM day when he put the ring on me.The photos that my uncle help us to take. I think I will not take the photos out for a period of time. I'm going to repaint the whole house and rearrange the furniture.Will get new mattresses and knock down the partition. Wanna to change everything so I can have a new start.

Those that read my blog offen might think that why I make this decision and now like I'm regretting. Just wanna to say that I'm just a woman.I also will scared and worry..Thing like happened so fast that I don have time to adjust myself.But I not regretting divorcing. I feel that it will be better for us to stay separately and cool ourselves down. What will happened in future no ones will know. Maybe during these time he realise that he actually don love me but just used to see me around or I still love him, or still hope to be with him,then if we cant be together again or together again at least our misunderstanding will be lots lesser. We become friends now is better for us, as I more positive listening to what he say and he can tell me everything like he talking to a friend. May GOD bless me forgetting the used to have him around asap.May GOD bless my kids getting healthier and healthier.May GOD bless everyone around me.

Thoughts...

Yesterday was a very hard day for me to pass. I cried for the whole day. I was sad, angry and disappointed. But it will be over soon. I have told all my friends that I have no feeling for him and actually I have prepared myself to hear from him that he has another girl outside. But what I did not expect is it could actually feel so hurt and painful.Alot of things passed thru my mind yesterday. Why he ask me to give him another chance while he actually courting another woman at that time? Why he said he still loved me when he actually got feeling with another girl? He blamed me for applying PPO, blame me for not giving him chances but he did not realised that i have given to him and he waited until the day we put a full stop to our relationship then explain why he do it,why he no money. He said if I still have feeling for him or wat, I will drop the case but he still did not know the real reason why I apply for it. He even said that if I still got feeling, I will not without going to bed with him for so long. And I'm wondering is this a valid reason for him to find another girl. Not only the man need,the woman oso need it. When we having problems and did not have it during that period, he can so easy and find another girl. We haven even divorce, he already betray the the last trust I have in him. So much so much went thru my mind. Wo bu gan xin coz what the girl done for him, I actually did for him before and even more than that.

His brother once told me before that if I leave him, he will not survive. Now I want to tell his brother that he will be very well taken care by this girl coz from my side here, he has learn hot to appreciate his gf/wife.

In the past if he like that, I will totally break down but not the now me. Like I said, I giving myself this week to cry over this thing. After this week, I may still feel hurt but it will be totally over. Life is full of ups and downs. I take all these downs as a path I have to go. Once I pass the hard and difficult path, my path will be smooth and beautifully.

A NEW START

Today is a new start for my life. We had ended our relationship last night after our last chat. He agreed to let me be the caregiver of the 3 kids and we had stated the terms and conditions. In him, he hated me for applying PPO.He told me that on that day we went to family court, our feeling and marriage already gone. He said he has do his best to save this marriage and he have no regret coz he already done his best. I agreed with him as I have done my best too. He blamed me for alots of things and I let it be coz no point arguing.I let time to prove everything. Anyway, when a couple ended up divorcing, the lady side is always on the disadvantage. I just have to tolerate for these period of time. I believe GOD is fair.

During the last talk we had, I actually soften my heart and intend to op out the filing of divorce,but when I heard that actually he is with another woman now. He don't feel guilty or sorry for it. I decided to go on with the divorcing. My heart ached.And till now is still painful.Last night was not a good night for me but I believe I can survice. I will let myself to mend my wound in the heart for the promise he make and break. I will cry it this thing this week. After this, I don't owe him and he don't owe me. What we have in common will be only the 3 kids. But I glad that at least there is a woman can give him what I cant give. Sincerely give him and that girl my blessing.

To: Ah Long (Once was my beloved husband)
All the best to you and your future wife/girlfriend.
If you really wanna the girl to be your partner for future, treasure her and don treat her like what you have treated me.

He finally make a decision..

Yesterday was a busy day for me.Morning brought them cut their hair, then brought them to Christmas Party organised by Beyond, after that brought them home for a bath, went library to return the books, went over to his brother house for dinner and after dinner went back home.

While at his brother house, he sms me where are we and he wants to talk to me at night.So I reply him and said yes.When I reached home, no one at home and i gave him a call asking him what time he coming back as I very tired and wanna sleep. He told me he be back around 10 plus to 11 plus,but I waited to 1.00 am he still have not come back.

I recieved a call from my brother saying that he saw him with another woman at Bugis. Then I asked my brother what they doing.He said they just sit very close and talking to each other.I told my brother nothing one la.They maybe just friends.I am angry coz he make me wait till so late and in the end coz he come back late, we did not manage to talk about what he wanna talk.

Today he called me said he don want the kids to live seperately so he will let me look after them. This is a good news to me coz I can save time and money for this issue.

Friday~!~!

This morning when I bring Yanshan and Zhoule to NTUC childcare, the school don allow them in as I do not have Doctor letter that state they are fine to be back to school. What to do....So I LL asked them to follow me back home, and on the way home, I called up my dad and asked him where is he. He asked me to bring them to MRT station to wait for him as he another 20 mins will reach. Haiz... Luckily he about to reach. These few days really thank to my dad. He help me a lot and oso let me vent my pek cek on him. Sorry and thank you. My mom too. I know she meant well when she nag at me but sometimes, i really want peace when I go back Hougang.

At last the PPO thingy settle,one bag has put down.Lighter le. Now got to settle the divorce thingy. Court ordered us to go to counselling. So now got to arrange with my manager abt it and next week got to go off early for interviewing of the divorce case.

Last nite he told the kids that now he cant beat them or scold them orelse I will call police to catch him. Ridiculous...I told and explain to him before he can discipline them but not overdoing like beat them on head or grap their collar and pull them up.Want to beat, on hand on legs is ok.and yet he went to tell the kids this. What his motive on saying this?I really wonder.Not said that I did not explain to him.Why he got to tell these not true thing to the kids? I angry coz I feel that he is trying to give them wrong impression, but after I cool down, I think maybe he don noe the difine of PPO.So I explain loud and clear to the kids and let him hear what I'm saying abt the PPO. Hope he can get the message. I don want him to to misunderstand it. Even we cant be husband and wife, but he is always my kids' father. That's nothing can change it, even I also cant change.

PPO

Just reach my mom's place.Very tiring and my eyes were very red too.Morning went to legal aid there to hand up my documents, then went to see doctor coz of my red eyes and lastly went to Family Court for the PPO purpose.

Successfully got the PPO for myself and the kids. I were surprise that he actually admitted for abusing us. Glad, but it really not a good feeling. I know he were angry but at the Court there, he cant do anything except controlling his anger. We did not talk to each other from the start till the ending. Our case ended at 3 pm plus but waited for the PPO till 5pm. He were frustrated and after he sign on the agreement, he make a comment,"Waited so long just for this piece of paper." The assistant who asked us to sign turn back and look at him. At this time, I were shaking my head. Why he wanna make this comment? It can lead to unwanted court case of disrespect for the court. Today we were behaving like strangers. After signing the PPO, he straight walk out but due to raining he got stuck outside. I just walked away as I have umbrella. Sad :(

My Wish & tomorrow appointment

Tomorrow is the day for me to submit all the documents and go Family Court for the PPO. I will not know how will he react but now praying that everything will go smoothly.

This morning he took down the Guan Yin he bought 2 months ago.I asked him why, but he ignore me.So don care lor, anyway not my money. I just feel that he do not respect the God he praying.Su Ka Su Ka 'invite' it to the house,Su Ka Su Ka 'send' it away.

ALl 3 kids are sick, having red eyes and lung infection. Poor things.See them got to suffer hurts me.心痛... He bo cham bo cham and I have to arrange everything for the kids like who look after them,bring them see doctor,feed them medicine. I really worry if I cant get the 3, what will happen to them if I'm not around.

GOD, sincerely praying that bless me on getting my 3 kids with me. I know I not a perfect mother but I will give my best to them.PLEASE...

Recent photos

These 3 photos were taken on Zhoule's 3 years old birthday. Which photo you like most? I like the last one. Especially Yanshan.Everyone who saw this photo say she very pretty and sweet.Hahaha... Bluff people one.. ;P

Finally Zhouhui graduate from Kindergarten. So smart when he wore the graduate robe.

Updates - will post some photos next week

Today is 7th Dec 2007.Another month started and going to mid of Dec. Me very busy at work and personal. Now is peak season for the cleaning industry,wanted to blog but cant find time to blog.Ha ha..

Not well for a week and lost my voice too.Haha..Think the medicine the doctor gave is really lousy *thump down*.Until now my cough still haven recover but like getting worse. They keep asking me to rest well but really no time.Work work work...

I went to apply for PPO (Personal Protection Order).This is to protect my kids.I don;t want because of adult problem, the kids will get hurt. I very sad.Why we will become like this? Maybe a lot of people will think I v stubborn or v bo liao, want to create troubles. No point explaining to them. Let time tells them why i insist of applying.

Tuesday morning before I bring the kids to school.The kids want to take cab to school as they tired also for the sake of safety.I told them I don't have money and Zhouhui and Yanshan went to their cupboard to bring out their wallet and Yanshan told me: "Mummy, I give you money and we all can take cab le",but she took $2 to me only.Hahaha..I told her not enough to take cab and asked her to keep it.Zhouhui said: " $2 where got enough.You keep the money.I will give mummy money to take cab." So sweet of him. BUT....when he open his wallet, he saw all his money gone, and he asked me:" Where all my money gone?"The look on his face is so... poor thing. I told him I didn't take.Asked him is he spend on somewhere and he forgot. He went to told HIM and said someone took his money away.Then HE said: "Oh.The money is daddy took one.I tonight will return to you. Ai...I didn't tell you yesterday (Monday) that I took your money meh?" I really wonder.Why he need to take Zhouhui's saving? He just take his pay on Fri or Sat.Why so fast no money le? $500 leh,Not $5.Where he spend to?All these questions pops in my mind but I will not have the answer coz I don have the right to interfere his 'business'. But I very disappointed. He wants 2 elder ones,see him like this..How I'm going to let them stay with him?No Money, take the kids one. Got money anyhow spend. I really wonder what will happen if I really leave them with him.

On 11th Dec 2007 I have to go to the Family Court for the PPO issue and my second appointment with legal aid. Hope everything will goes smoothly.

Wish you all all the best!!