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YEAR 2013 August 9

Feeling confused... feeling irritated... feeling to burst it out.. but am controlling..
hoping that you will know...but I know it is a mission impossible.
Wanna to be loved by you.. wanna to have all your attention.. but it seem like it is in a maze,losing direction of how to show it out...
Always guessing your thinking... always to be mindful while playing with you.. but always getting your cold and hot treatments that makes my heart feeling painful....always asking myself what have I done wrong or will you be giving cold treatment to me again...
I can't take it anymore.. it killing me inside.. it is worst than using a knife to dig a hole in my heart.
Been asking myself if I am not attractive anymore.. been asking myself if you have no more eyes on me anymore.. all these questions is giving me migraine..
Why don't you just tell me and I be glad to leave you alone.
Seriously...  I missing the time of fun and love we used to be and have..
I AM REALLY MISSINGGGGGGgggg....
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Being feeling emo-ing recently. Really feel very very tired.. I thinking whether is it i too sensitive or i just growing up and can see what is going on around me? Now what i really want to do is to run away from here and hide from everybody. I have no motivation and i'm moodless..  I have become quieter than before. Not that cheerful. In my head are full of problems, thinking and emotional struggling. Don't know when i be gg to 'chalet' at Buangkok... :(

True friends?? Bullshit!!

'If you really treasure our friendship, why in the first place you wanna betray it? If you really want me as your friend, why in the first place u throw away the trust i gave you? If you said that you treat me like your sister, why in the place you choose to hurt me deeply and spoilt this fate that god gives? Only one answer, you don't have a heart to treat a person sincerely.'


This is what i wrote on my facebook shoutout this morning. Things happened almost 2 years but every time people keep asking me why i can forgive other people and i can't forgive you. Deep in my heart, someone told me to forgive , but whenever i think of how the thing happened, what the police told me what you told them, what you have tells others etc, I just can't let it go and forgive you. I'm a easily content person and I'm also a person who is easily get hurt. I sometimes really wonder when you give that statement what is going on in your heart. Did you ever regret, guilty or feels shameful of yourself for betraying a friend that being helping you alot, a friend that even she don't have money she will try her best to borrow from friend and lend it to you? Slowly friends around start to show they true font to me. One by one follow you stepping my heart and betray me. Within a year, i was wounded all over. I was too naive to believe that you and those friends are using your heart to be a friend to me. Now i only hope you can  

STOP TELLING PEOPLE YOU STILL MISS 

ME. HYPOCRITE

STOP THINKING WE STILL CAN BE 

FRIEND COZ I WANT NOTHING TO DO 

WITH YOU.

Year 2010 life dairy

It been almost a year that i din post any blog. Life changes a lot after my marriage.

The last blog that i posted was on 25/01/2010. I was still happy that my friends are around me, truthful to me, take me as their sis or buddy, parents' relationship getting better, me and my elder sister are getting marry, waiting for a new family member to join us,but.....it had all changed. It affected me a lot. Make me don dare to trust people, always have to be cautions when talking to my friends now. Somehow rather that my life are v heavy with all these nonsense.

Feb '10: Realized that I pregnant with Baby Jaden. We had to bring forward of our wedding planning. We started to plan the wedding the soonest that we can. Friends around us helping us to prepare.

March '10: We had our 1st screening of the baby. We showed the the screening photo to Amutha and she told us that it was our bday present to her, coz that day was actually her bday (23/3/2010) :)

April '10: Everything was not ready yet and only left few weeks to prepare everything like the gowns, the dowry, buffet etc. Luckily got Amutha to help me. She brought me to buy gown as a gift. I have bought a gown for ROM and cheong sam for actual day. She brought me to Yishun to get accessories for my wedding, asked her 3rd sister to help me do manicure.Carry a baby inside my tummy and had to walk around is tedious for me.But was enjoying the shopping. 30/04/2010 was my ROM day. Morning Amutha brings me to do my hairstyle, Mandy come in the afternoon to do my makeups. And we ready for our ROM. Everyone was happy that day.After that, we had lunch at ABC market to thanks them for attending our ROM. At nite, waiting to comb my hair and prepared myself for my big day. ;)

May '10: This month is the month that changes my life. 01/05/2010 was my Chinese custom wedding. I woke up at 4am to let my sister's friend to help me to do my hair and makeup. She and her husband are very nice people. She do my makeup and hairstyle for free and she got her friend to help out that morning for my Jie Meis. Her husband helping us to take photos for free too. Really grateful that there are such nice people around. Around 8 plus, Alvin and his brothers arrived and gatecrash started with Amutha 1st. She make him to all the forfeits and drinks or eat all kinds of food that my elder sister had prepared for them at the gatecrash. heez.. was so funny when i saw the video that my jie mei take. after that, we went to Alvin's father place for tea ceremony.But when we reached there, i had a shock out of my life. His parents just reached the coffee shop for their breakfast and his brother's family was still sleeping. And the best part is they told us that we told them that the tea ceremony was in the afternoon. I looked at Alvin and just keep quiet. We went up the house to pray the ancestor and trying to have the tea ceremony even the relatives are not ard. His grandma is very sweet. She quickly wake up, slowly walk to the toilet to wash up her face and waiting for us to serve her the tea. All was stop by his brother saying that this can be done when having the wedding buffet at nite time. Alvin was praying at that time and surprisingly that his dad agreed with his brother idea. I keep controlling my tears from dropping and try not to make the situation worst. When we in the lift, my jie meis come and console me and asked me how i feel. I told them don ask anymore as i may not able to control my tears if they keep asking me. Alvin see it and he feel so upset that his family did this. I told him it ok, as long as he treat me good can le. After all i not marry to his family but is to him. We don want waste our time at his father's house so we decided to take some outdoor shots. We went to Changi end to take the shots and i love that place even thou it is very hot. After the shots, we make our way to Hougang for my side of tea ceremony. We at first was so happy till we went back to Lengkok Bahru to rest and my dad actually quarrelled with me bcoz of money. After resting at Lengkok Bahru, we went back to his father place for the buffet and tea ceremony. Again, unhappy things happened. having tea ceremony in the dark living room like we are ghost couple. =.= My brother-in-law's children shoes all 'sunning' in front of the buffet table. And worst thing of all, he actually tiao shen when we are having guests at his place for our wedding buffet dinner. Fine. that my fate ba. 2 marriages oso can't have a decent one. But I'm glad that he is there for me to cheer me up. Just few days after my wedding, he being asked t police station for investigation of loanshark thing. All thanks to a person, Angela. She was his godsister and my best friend. She accused she lend us her atm card for the loanshark thingy and best of all, she even mentioned my name when that has nothing to do with me. She noe the person thru Alvin. She willingly to lend to that person and trying to gain something from that, when things alrite and she gain something from it, she nv said is Alvin.But when thing goes wrong, she start to point finger to us. saying us not being responsible, cause her so many problem and the cheapest thing she do is to go ard and tell all our friend that we are not a good person, irresponsible, trying to push all blames to her. F... off. i feel like gg up to her place to give her 2 tight slaps. From that day she throw my trust and heart in the dustbin, she no longer my friend, but a stranger to me. Slowly, more and more friends starting to tell lies to me. Tell u, my heart was like being cutting slice by slice by them. I asked myself m i such a failure that those friends noe me longer than her actually believe in her and start casting me away by telling lies to me. But from there, i noe who really are my true friends. No matter i happy, sad, rich or poor they are there for me.

June '10: Nothing much happened. Alvin's case hold till they called him up to asked him to go back for investigation.waiting for Baby to arrive and confirm that baby is a girl :D so we started to buy baby things bit by bit.

July '10: We finally decide to call her Jaden Chua. The meaning of Jaden is Thankful which i am thankful that she comes into my life and i wan her to be thankful to people for those who help her in future. Never be a wan en fu e person in future.

Aug '10: Preparing for Baby Jaden to arrive. After 6 years, i have fear to give birth to another baby, but i think it too late to 'regret' it. Hahahah Tummy getting bigger but haha.. i still can carry my tummy to run after the bus. Kena scolding by lots of people said it is dangerous that i run after the bus with a big tummy that going due in few weeks time. Both of my legs become swollen as the due date nearer. Keep talking to Baby Jaden, telling her not to make Mummy painful. Must faster come out to the world and let Mummy see your beautiful face. *Sweet*

Sep' 10: Was suppose to work till end of Sept @ Touch Community Services, but Baby Jaden don allow me.Heez.. 27/09/2010 around 6am, I was waking the kids up for school and when i go to toilet, i saw blood. So i quickly wake Alvin up and told him Baby Jaden want to come to this world. He looked shock and blur. Then i quickly asked him called Sayang up to ask if she can come over my place to look after Lele. Glad she heard the phone, otherwise, i do not know what to do le.To bring the kids with me to hospital or..... Around 7.30am, we took cab to KKH, registered there and i stay in the small observation room for almost 2 hours before any doctor come and see me. around 10am, they pushed me to the big room and Baby Jaden arrived to this world. All the people said she come to this world very fast and i agreed. She really sayang me alot. Tell u something, i think having injection is more painful than giving birth. Hahaha..

Oct '10: Doing the confinement really going to take my life away. So boring and sticky. haha.. Just keep taking care of Baby Jaden in the night time really want my life. She keep waking up in the night and sleep in the day time. Faint...

Nov' 10 - Dec '10: Life goes on without people who keep wearing mask. I find that my life is quieter without all those so-called friends. But my heart still bleeding. Wondering where the truthfulness between friends. Trust? Sincerity? True care and concern between friends?? Can anyone tell me the answer?

Bday.

Yesterday was my bday. It was a boring bday but i am happy that all my love ones are with me. Thank you my friends, Yenlin, Iris and Ah Kang to get me a bday cake last min. Finally my bady is not without cake. hahahahahah.. Was still complaining why my bday so sad without a cake. Thank you Angela, Richard give me the necklaces. Really surprise that Richard actually bought me a necklace. :) Of coz got to thanks Yenlin and Iris to give me the specially present. Really love it alot. heez.. Thank you to all my friends who sent me bday wishes on the facebook.
Thank you my mother who cook red eggs for me on my bday. Last but not least, my kids and Alvin. Thanks them for accompany me on this special day of mine. Thanks Lau Gong for here with me the 2nd bday. Don't have to be sorry that you are not able to buy me present or bring me to eat. 3 words from you i already contented. Love you, Love kids, Love mom and love you all my friends..

Life Now

Hi all, finally got time to sit down to update my blog.
I finish my 1st course last year dec. Learn how to declare permit, Cert of Origin etc... Have decide to go and apply flat this year, but jus now i check, both of me and Alvin CPF account don't have enough money to buy house liao... Haiz...
Work now is stressful. Like everything i do is wrong, is my fault. Worst thing in my life is i got a complaint letter from customer... OH MY GOD!! In my 5 years working life i never got a complaint letter and this idiotic customer no matter how i do they also not happy. I feel i such a failure.Really demoralise me. I do what they want le. I give in my best le. But why they still so unhappy with me. My boss told me that i'm not the only person who kena this from this customer. When one of them on leave, i feel so lucky coz never hear their voice. Hope i have the endurance to tahan their nonsense. But i will never give up shipping coz i like it so much.. :)
Got new that Ah Long getting a unit and heard that he's getting at my area and is very near my blk. Feel so uncomfortable and sense that something is going to happen. True enough that just because of his stupid new flat, he wants me to return the outstanding amount he paid while he apply new SP account. Was damn so angry lor. I paid his debt so much, he never give the kids' maintenance money;now he still got the face to ask me pay back.WTH!!! Ask me to be more understanding that his money is just enough for him to pay the deposit and apply the SP account and buy his house thing. Am I not understanding enough to let him owe the maintenance money coz his new born baby. Din force him to pay the actual maintenance money that the court oredered.Din ask him to pay back what he owe outside and i now still helping him to pay. Now he ask me to be more understanding, what he still want me to do?!?! Then when i in deep shit, did he be that "understanding" to pay up the maintenance money for the kids?? No lor.. Fed up man..He really a useless guy.. Luckily now I have settle the transfer SP account under my name. Dont have to hear his voice barking here..
Enough of complaint.. Feel so much better after writing it out.
My birthday coming but like no mood to celebrate. My fren asked me how i gg to celebrate, i just told her no celebration. Don noe what to celebrate too.. Hahah..
Me and Alvin just pass our 1st yr. I brought him to do a couple makeover for his present but have not collect the album yet. Heez.. But what i wish din come true on the 1st yr anniversary celebration. Think my life will not have the fate of ppl propose to me.. Hahaha.. See how la.. mayb we still din not go to that stage yet.. Me like so desperate hor.. feel kinda disappointed when he din do wat i thought he will but am very happy during the makeover session. He brings up the atmosphere to take the photos. So fun and loving.. Love you and thank you for accompnay me the past whole year.

A question that brought me to my tears..

Today was emailing with my friend. She asked me a question that brought me to tears when i was replying her. She asked if what happen if one day Ah Long's father passed away, will I bring the 3 kids down? If she in my situation she wouldn't know what to do.
I replied her that i wun let them go if Ah long is not responsible to the kids. They want me to be fair to them, 1st of all, they must be fair to my kids. Did they remember they still have these 3 kids surname as LIM?? My kids don even willing to address them now. Kids are innocent and naive, and they are also the only human will tell you the real feeling. Go and ask my kids how they feel about their own father and their own grandfather. What they treat my kids as?? when need to act in front of ppl, then my kids are one of them. When they no need my kids, they can just ignore my kids like they nv existing in this world. i did told his dad i not going to bring them over to pai nian. I in the middle you know. I keep getting scolding from my parents, relatives and friends. They keep asking me to go to court to charge him, but i nv did. if i go, what are the family gg to say about me? Say i hard hearted, want to push Ah Long to the end of the wall, want to take revenge..all kind of nonsense will come out from their mouth. They hurt me can but not my kids. I being hurt by the father and son so many times even we are divorced. the thing they said, how i feel sad and hurt for my kids. No one can understand the pain in my heart. You are a mother too. You know when you see the look on the kids face, how heart pain i was?? tell you something, Zhouhui told me he has 2 daddy, one is his god father and one is my current bf. When i asked him what about Ah Long daddy, he answer shocked me. he told me " I only have 2 daddy.One is Blk 55 daddy and one is alvin daddy. I don want that daddy who don even bother to call and send regards to us. Think he don even remember who am i or di di and mei mei." A Primary 2 boy can said that to me. babe, you tell me how am i gg to react?? I don even dare to cry in front of my bf or any body. I just told him nvm, as long as mummy is always here for you. And you are always wanted by mummy. PAIN~~

That is when my tears start rolling down my cheek... REALLY SORRY MY PRECIOUS KIDS..

Presents from Alvin's parents

Last Sunday Alvin and me bring the kids to visit his parents and my kids stayed overnight at his parents' place as Monday 06/07/09 is holiday for students. His mom gave me a pair of gold ear-rings on Sunday and his dad gave me a gold necklace yesterday night. She told me these are for her 2nd daughter-in-law. I feel very happy coz i can see that they really accept me and my kids. They are the only boyfriend's parents gave me presents and the presents is not cheap. Even my ex-husband's father never give me any. I really feel grateful and touched by this. Thank you alot PA & MA (Alvin's parents). This is what his mon asked me to address them. happy.... But I feel Alvin still not ready for marriage. We did talk about this and he asked me don't give him stress. Give him some time. So i keep quiet. Not only he feel stress, i do feel stress oso. All his relatives, parents and friend keep asking us. Alvin only said he did proposed, is i rejected him. Argh...He said like that he win le coz all eyes will start to look at me. Sometimes i answered till i don't know how to answer. Tell them what.. Alvin not ready so how to marry?!?! Like i very desperate to marry off... -.-'

Wish them the best!!

Hi. It me again. Today my mood was bad. Maybe i am still affected by yesterday incident. Am I very petty? Or just my fear come back again? Haiz.. Why am I feeling this?
Today work was going fine. Managed to clear quite a few of shipment. His ex sms him and i read. I find her very foolish. Why must go and marry to a man whom she don't love? (If what she sms is true) Maybe she hope this sms can win him back. But isn't stupid?!?! When his ard with her, she don't treasure. Wait till he not ard then feel that she don't bear him to leave her. I really wish her the best and she can find her happiness with the guy she said she marrying.
Last week having a conflict with Ah Long. I really disappointed in him. He asked me if whether he can don't give the kids' maintenance fee as his baby coming soon at July. If he only care about the new born baby, why not just release the authority of my 3 kids? And we wil have our own life and his has his. Wish the baby and his wife the best happiness.

A happy day but it turns out to be an unhappy day...

Dear Diary, today was suppose a happy day but too bad.. It ends up an unhappy day for me. After work, Darling and I went to buy presents for 2 of my friends as their bday are coming. We were shopping happily. We went to a shop to shop for one shirt for my colleague. At there, we saw a nightie very nice and he asked me to buy. I told him we wait till end of this month then buy as i know we do not left much money on hand after buying the 2 presents. But he insist that we buy it today. But in the end we did not buy because he pek cek after i keep putting it back. He walked aways angrily and after we left the shop, i went to hold his hand. I feel that initially he wanted to push away my hand but he control himself. So i explained to him again why i didn't want to buy. But he just keep quiet. Then ok lor.. So I just keep quiet and walked holding his hand. When we about to reached the traffic light, there were people blocking my way but he just keep walking til i can't manage to hold his hand. i was quite far behind coz of people blocking my way, and he just keep walking. Sad... He lighted his cigarette and stopped at the dush pin to wait for the bus. I just keep quiet to stand in front of me. When the bus arrived, he just throw away his cigarette and walked to the bus stop and boarded the bus. Didn't even bother to see whether i manage to follow up a not. When there are some space in the bus, he just move in himself. Never even to ask me. If we were ok, he will ask me to move in together with him. Me feel more sad.. Then we reached the destination, we walked but 2 ways for me to choose. One to my house and one to Angela's house. I chose to walk back to my house to put the presents and he chose to go to Angela's house 1st. When the moment we parted at the staircase beside the block, my heart is bleeding. Very sad.. that kind of feeling is like the last moment we will see each other. ha.. funny right.. he didn't chase after me or call me to check where i go. After putting the presents, i went to Angela's house intend to fetch the kids back. On the way i saw him bringing the kids back so i turned back together with the kids and go home. I keep quiet for the whole night. When i suppose to speak then i speak. Don't want to make myself feel more sad.. Do i do the wrong thing for not buying the sleep gown? I know he sayang me and want to give me a present. I know his feeling for me. I just don't want him to spend too much money on me especially we do not have too much money on hand. I sometimes really don't know what to do. Haiz... Me feel suffocated. I know he feel sad and angry that i do not allow him to buy that nightie for me.Who can tell me toward him what should I do?????

Life for is me up and down..

Life recently kinda stress and tired. Under lots of stress at work due to the worng shipping instruction issue to our vessel operator. My customer is claiming from my company almost USD2000. Then slowly of the disagreement between me and my sales manager. Can't understand why can't he help us to fight for our rights. Isn't the shipper and us agreed on the terms?! Just becoz they are the shipper we have to follow what they said then for hat he ask us for a meeting to ask for decussion. Since he already decided, just tell us what we should do. Nowadays when they asked me to do thing or asking whether it is workerable, i will replied to them "I'm ok with anything. As long as you a upper management instruct, I will just follow and do my work." I keep repeating till Saras fed up with me. I told her it true what. As long as i follow and when thing happened don come and blame me or push all responsibilty to me can le.I'm just doing my work. Hahaha..

Relationship between me and Alvin is going good but there are times that i nearly gives up on the relationship when he anyhow show his charter to me. FOr me is, since you are the one who start the cold war, then i play along lor. Right girls?!?! heez... Like Tuesday, he ignored me the whole night becoz when he reached home he saw the house very messy. He called me and asked me to call my mom to tell her not to make the house messy everyday. We also tired after work. Can't she let him rest abit? So i just nicely told him to rest, when i back home then i clean the house. He raised his voice and said by the time you off work what time already. Then he just pek ceking tell me to continue my work and hang up the phone. When i after work, called him twice he din pick up.I thought he sleeping so i went home. But he is not sleeping. i asked him is it that his phone on slient mode,how come i call he din answer. He just ignore me and like I'm transparent. Sad... Wanna bath before go over Angela's house to fetch the kids, he take his bag and sit at the living "waiting" for me. Sianz... At Angela's house he talked to her but still ignore me. Fine lor. I keep my cool and continue my things.playing with the kids, watching TV etc.. then i scratch my leg hardly as being beaten by big red ant. then he asked me to bath. I just treat him transparent and continue doing my own thing. Want him to feel how i feel when being ignore.. Hahaha... Got him to feel my pek cekness. Yipee...

Yanshan having fever after pulling out her tooth. for so long, this is the first time she got that high fever. But lucky thing is now she recovered. Thanks god. Was so worry for her. She is a strong girl. :) Love her.. got my yi quan..hahaha..

Going to Batam tomorrow to visit Ah Ping. Yah... I really miss her. Miss the time fo chatting late at night, go out to pray pray, buy things together. Everytime whoever feel sad can find each other to talk and cry. Today is her Birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY DEAR...

Quarrels

Dear Blog,
Yesterday quarrelled with him again. Is it my fault again? I really don understand. Firstly wee quarrelled because if Yimei. Then after that he just left the market straight after eating. What did i do wrong? Am i wrong in believing in this world there is still love even i fell so hard and painful from Ah Long.

He is a nice guy. He willing to accept my status & kids. Am he? or am I just to naive? Am he thinking whether he should back off from me? Where is he now? Will he go and find his ex-gf or his ex- Philippine gf? Am i jealous? Why am i keep thinking of the negative point now which normally I said I tursted him? Or actually deep in my heart I'm not? Why i don feel much pain as b4. Am i giving up on the hope of him loving me and the kids? What am i to him? Just a woman that he can fuck with? SHIT..... Why am I thinking of all these? I think i getting lesser hope of being loved again. My life is just have to be without someone to love me, dote me and sometimes give in to me. Am i asking too much?

NEW JOB & UPDATES ON R/S

Hi all,
Times really flies. I have worked at Amasis for almost 2 months. I like the new work life. Compare here with my previous company, I find that here is more systematic and the people here are more friendly and open. The decoration of the office is very comfortable like you are working at your home. But always have to work late which my mom started to complaints that I bo chap the kids. She thinks I go out to play and not working. Siao one lor.. Am so tired after working the whole day. Shipper and agents keep chasing after me for documents. after a day of work, just want go home to sleep. Where got the strength to run about?!
3rd of April is together with Lao Gong (Alvin) for 3 months. Have already met his parents and they know I'm a divorcee with 3 kids. I really likes them as they willing to accept my kids and me. They even asked us to go ROM. haha.. Me really jam when they asked me. Only keep nodding my head and arh... orh... erh... till they give up talking to me. heez... Not don wan ROM, is don dare. and that idiot oso nv say or do anything. just using his parents to cross bridge. -.-'Anyway, now i only drag the time and see how. As i really worried he will regrets after married and i again have to go to divorce again which i don wan to go thru that again. The fear in me really strong especially when we quarrel or wat. There is one time I sms him to ask him to reconsider whether he really wants to be with me and I really suit him a not. :(
One good point of him is he will hong me and talk to me nicely after I calm down :) I told my frens that he is the only guy after my divorce makes me wants to settle down again. but fear is holding me back. and I don wan ppl to say i cant go without man. Haiz... Fan ar.. M i stupid to believe LOVE again or I should give it a try?

Kinda of sad

Today is my last day at KOG TNS ASIA (formally is TNS SHIPPING SERVICES). I am so surprise that my new friend from Korea in KOG TNS ASIA actually bought me a gift. Really feel sad to leave my friends here. But I have to go for whatever better for me. I finally with Alvin openly. Am really happy that can be with him as he really take care of me and my kids. But I have prepared myself for the worst. He said he ready for being a 'father' for my kids but can see that he not ready. But now i only treasure the time spending with him. Tomorrow is Valentine's Day, still don't know what to buy for him. haiz... Rings or braclet? Very fan of thinking what to buy.
I just finished reading my friend's blog and found out alot of truth hiding from inside of her. Something that I was shocked to know till don't know why I feel painful inside my heart. Sometimes not that I wanna to keep the truth inside me, just can't said the truth out. I feel more miserable than anybody. Like I a nobody to him. Isn't it more worst? As a friend, after reading i feel like she watching a show on how I'm gg to fall from this relationship even that is her blog at January. I know she have feeling for him but I always thought no matter who he choose, You as a friend should be happy for him/me. If at that time He chosen her, I will really happy and give them my blessing coz i rather the ones i love and care are happy than being stuck between friendship and love. What should I do about her?? Can someone please advice me? I getting more and more scare of human beings. Thay can be so real and innocent infront of you but in their heart they cruse and scold you. Am I too naive to believe that how friends treat and behave infront of you are their true self?

Quotes for my feeling now after reading her blog:

"Best Friends Listen to what you dont say"

"Never let your friendship die because of a lie, Tell the truth"

"Friends never make assumptions about you. They never expect a reason to go out with you. In fact friends only expect you to be you!"

Updates on myself

Hi all,
Wanted to update my blog but coz of my new job I not being able to. :( Alot of things happened at my side here. happy, sad, stress etc..

Ah Long has re-married in December and going to have a baby soon this year.Was happy for him but oso worry for the baby and the wife. I really wish this time he can change his bad habits. Was being hurt by his father whom I treated him like my own father. Now then I know how he think of me all along. Sad. :( He always said he treat me like his own daughter even I have already divorced with Ah Long. Marriage is a happy thing that is being share by everyone but he instead of sharing, he asked everyone to hide the truth from me coz he worry I will go round gossiping. Am I that mean or bad? But wat's there to be gossiping abt. After all, we are already divorced. If he really treated me like his daughter, shouldn't he share this happy thing with me? I treated them with heart and sincerity but all I got is this kind of treatment. I asked myself whether am I that bad? or I did not treat them well? Why he wanna to treat me like this? I cried. Really crying out loud. I told myself I will not be the nice gal anymore towards him and Ah Long. But still I xin ruan when Ah Long told him he not able to give the maintenance to the kids. Start to think how the new born gg to survive. I find my kids lucky coz I still can work to bring them up. But that lady can't coz she's from Vietnam. Pray hard for her and the baby.

I hurt someone which I do not wish to hurt in my life. I felt terrible, but life got to go on. We still contact each other and I hope this friendship will not ended because I treasure him as much as I treasure my friends. God, please give me and him the strength to be friends forever.

I like a guy but somehow I could not be open infront of people. I like him and I have the feeling of being in the secondary life that time. So innocent and fun. Can say that I love him but I have to hide it inside my heart which I feel quite xin ku. I don noe where I stand and how should I go abt it. :( I know he got feeling for me but circumstances we both can't do anything but to hide everything in our heart. How long this gonna to last? Can someone come and tell me?

Jermine's K2 Graduation Performance Photos

A Celebration of Friendship.

Finally my princess, Jermine Lim, gonna promote to Pri 1. :) On the 21st November 2008, I attended her graduation performance at Nanyang Poly. Was worried for her that she will have stage fright. But she surprised all of us. She was performing without a single step missed and she looked really beautiful. Her character is an elf holding a needle. When I see her performing, I was touched and was thinking that my girl has really grown up. Every parents who attended cheered and clapped for their kids and the teachers of 18 NTUC childcare centres. I hereby wish to thank the teachers of NTUC Childcare Bukit Mehra Branch for teaching, taking care and loved my girl. I really appreciate it a lot. And for sure, my girl and me will always remember the teachers for their loved and care. When I download more photos from my sis's camera, I will upload again. She be going to Queenstown Primary School in another month. I prayed to God that she can adapt the environment well and enjoy her days in her Primary school life.

To Jermine (my little princess),

Mummy maybe always scolding or lecturing you, but that is for your own good and hope that you can protect yourself in school. Life maybe hard now, but I and your brother will be always there for you. Mummy will always WANT you and don't be afraid to stand up for yourself. If any of your friends said you don't have a father. Tell them that you have,just he is not staying with you. I believed your daddy still love you and your brother. Just he is busy with his life now. MUMMY LOVES YOU. *Muack*

Disappointment...

Economy down again.Don noe how many ppl gg to be retrended. End of year, every parents are thinking how to keep their job for surviving. Buying of books, uniforms, school bus fee, school fee etc.. Headache.. Searching for job but in no vain.. Life getting harder for us the low-income family. Especially to those the single parent. Really hard on them. If the ex-partner is kind enough to pay up the maintenance fee, life wun be that hard to the single parent. But sad to say, most ex-partners are heartless. Never pay maintenance money, fine. But still wanna to make the person who is looking after the children of their life hard.

Have a story to share with you all. My friend's children have been award the cdac bursary. Is the school help them to apply. When my friend's ex-partner knew about it, he made a big fuss of it. Threatening her on cancelling her long term pass, chased her out of the house, making ugly remarks, vent his stupid anger on the kids, talk nonsense infront of the kids about their mother etc... Now, even loanshark write notice on their block staircase to chase after the money he owed. Letting the children stay in fear, making this poor mother to run up n down these few days to apply for long term pass so she can continue to stay n look after her children. HDB is going to take back the house as he did not pay for so many months, i should said is years. And expect the poor lady to help him pay. He even very ya ya tell her that he will not give the maintenance money to her and he purposely one. What kind of man he is?? Just because he is a Singaporean and my friend is a Malaysian, he can anyhow bully him? Why my surrounding have all these kind of stupid, idiotic men?That include my ex-partner too.

An advice to the men, don push the women too far. When they turn their back to fight back, doesn't mean that they will lose.

Finally..Officially... SINGLE!!!!!!

Yesterday I went down to legal aid there to sign the divorce paper (that wat i thought) but when the asst. come to look for me, she told me that I was collecting for my Divorce document. I am shocked and was v v happy.. Finally got the divorce documents from the legal aid and finally a full stop to this issue. Thanks God.. :D

Cant stop smiling and laughing. Called everyone to annouce the news. They can feel the happy in me.

Missing them....

On the 30th October 2008, I'm going to the lawyer side to sign on the paper. Hope everything will go smoothly. Have already quit my job at Crusade Services and I missed the people nad environment there. Was not used of not waking up early to go to work. The laughters and memories I had there was so huan nan. But I wanna to challange myself with new things. Can't always stay there and always be a receptionist. So got no choice but to leave the place I love every much. But still, gg over there to on weekends to help them which i can still feel the family warms. Really miss them a lot. Now while taking care of me kids, thinking about my future oso. Wat i wanna do in future in order to give my kids the best? Every jobs in Singapore is not secure. M stress oso. I may or may not lose the job I currently having. But was glad that I am v much closer to my children which I always wanted. Endure.. Endure.. Endure..

Happy moments & Thoughts..

I am happy during these past months. Know a lot of new friends and best of all, managed to contact back my primary school classmate cum best best friend, RAZALI..Heez.. The feeling was great..Like lost and found my favorite thing. You know, little girl jumping around telling everyone that i managed to contact my long lost ex-classmate.Really thank GOD for that.Making my life a lot brighter.How he find me?? Got his message on 18 Aug 2008 (2.59pm) and i was smiling away for the whole day. We managed to have a lunch appt 2 days after we recontact. Heez.. Had an enjoyable lunch.chat alot and bickering alot too..Hahaha....We still the behaved the same after so long..Haha..Of course got happy things, there will be unhappy things. But today i wish to update only the happy things.

Yesterday (02/09/2008) is my uncle Birthday. My mom open a surprise party for him and invite all my friends.Very sweet of her,rite. Cook some simple food, let the kids running around, women's talk etc..Too bad did not take any pictures yesterday.But I believed everyone enjoyed themselves. On Sunday (31/08/2008), was my Da Yi Birthday.My mom did the same, giving her a surprise visit cum celebration. My Da Yi cried and I feel so touched on that scene.Took some pictures but forgot to bring my cable to upload. :(

One of my closed friends, Amutha, brought me to cut my hair, taught me how to make myself look better, take care of my own health,advice me whenever i need help. I really really thanks her from the bottom of my heart. Especially Elaine and her family, Amutha, Jenny, Angela, DongPing and Iris gave me lots of encouragement and help these few months. Guiding me, sayang me, lending their ears to me, helping me on my kids..a lot that i cant list them out. Just wanna let them know, I really appreciate them and love them.Because of them, I know that reality isn't that cruel to me. I always tell myself I am more fortunate than others as i have this batch of good friends, my dad, my sis, my brother, my mom (eventho she always nag at me and we always quarrel), Gary (who always help me), My current job bosses and colleagues, Razali (ex-classmate cum best friend) and my 3 BAO BEIs..

For my MOM: I LOVE YOU and SORRY for always quarrel with you.You are the only person that i really can sainai with.So please forgive me if i overdo anything.Thank you for not giving up on me eventho I make wong move in my life. I LOVE YOU..muack..

For my DAD,SIS & Brother: Thanks for showing me and my baobeis your love. Thanks for supporting me and never thought of giving me up in life.I LOVE YOU ALL..
For my batch of friends [you know who you are ;) ]: Thank for listening to my complaints, supporting me, guiding me, lending your hands to me n my baobeis..Most of all, make me look pretty and more confident...Heez... *Vomit* So thick-skinned ar...Haha.. LOVE YA, k. Whatever you all did, I engraved it in my heart. MUACK..MUACK..

For GARY: Thank for helping me these 3 years.Lending your hands guiding me how to be strong and independence

For my current bosses and colleagues: Thank for all these time while i'm working in Crusade Services Pte Ltd (My last day 24/09/2008). Your help, understanding, care and concern for me and my 3 kids are appreciated by me and my kids. Thank you for your guidence whether on my work or life.Thank you..

For Razali: Thanks for the thought of contacting me back and searching high and low for the past 13 years.. Am really touched,k ;)